When God created the first person, it was the first of his creations of which he said It was not good. What was not good about Adam? He was alone. In God's order, we are created for fellowship. The first order of that fellowship has to do with God. Being in a fit and healthy relationship with our creator is not only God's desire for us, it is also an essential basis or foundation to any other relationship.
If I were to ask you today what was your number one concern and problem in life, I would guess that in some way it would translate back to a relationship that is broken or bruised.
A number of years ago, Pepper Rogers was the football coach at UCLA. He and the team were having a terrible season. The fans, the press, the players the university, everyone was criticizing him or calling for his dismissal. IT got so bad that his home life and family was even upset. He recalls, "MY dog was my only friend. I told my wife that a person needs at least two friends so she bought me another dog."
When some of our basic relationships are out of kilter, every other relationship can be affected. The Bible is clear in pointing out that the basic relationship which needs to be restored is a persons relationship with God.
If we desire deeper, more satisfying relationships with other people, it is imperative that we first be properly related to our creator in whose image we are made. Then and only then can we begin to gain a healthiness in our other, human relationships.
From there Paul goes on to talk about the subject of ethics. How the believer is supposed to act in various situations. Theology ( our views about God) always is the basis and foundation for personal life.
So it is with human relationships. If you want to have healthier relationships, you must go back and examine your core beliefs and attitudes. Because it is those beliefs that affect your actions and your actions will affect what is accomplished in your relationships and in life.
The transition in Romans from the doctrinal to the practical is found in Chapter 12. The tip-off is the keyword Therefore. In other words Paul says in Light of all the doctrine which we have just examined; in view of all that we have said regarding who God is and what God has done, "I urge you to present yourselves wholly to him as a living sacrifice which is a basic act of spiritual worship and is pleasing and acceptable to him.
I have recently rediscovered an old friend whose writings are nearly 50 years old. His name is Watchman Nee. He was a convert to Christianity and was instrumental in forming indigenous house churches which survived even after the expulsion of Western missionaries by the communist government in China. He eventually was arrested and sent to prison for his faith and died there in 1972.
In his book "The Normal Christian Life," he comments on this chapter of Romans and says that this presenting of oneself to God "implies a recognition that I am altogether his. Just as a tailor cannot make a coat for us if we give him no cloth, so the Lord cannot live out his life in us if we do not give him our lives in which to live."
That basic submission is critical to any and every other relationship. God who is love cannot help us to truly love until we have first presented ourselves wholly to him.
Every part of our life will be affected if we are presented to God and if our attitudes are changed by God's life within us.
With the assumption that Christians are thus ready to make such a total commitment, Paul comes to verse 9, and he begins to lay out a list of prescriptive instructions for building better relationships. If you were to look at them one by one, we would count 23. That would make too long a sermon even for me.
What I would suggest then is to think in terms of these instructions as being grouped into four basic areas:
Each of these four areas is transformed when a person presents themselves wholly to God. Each of these four areas has its own affect on our relationships with others. Each of these four areas is shaped first by our relationship with God.
1. Our Emotions
Contrary to what many Presbyterians might believe, it is all right and even helpful to be an emotional person. In fact we are all emotional beings. Some of us just have not yet recognized our emotions. But that is a very real part of who God created us to be. Emotions are most healthy when they are in the framework of having been committed to the lordship of Christ
The most basic emotion we think of is love. The word used in verse 9 is agape. There is only one way that love can truly act and that is sincerely; with no ulterior motive and with no selfishness. It is by definition God's love and John tells us that we are able to love because God first loved us. We know we are Gods children when we are able to live in the way God loves which is purely and sincerely.
The person who is not in a right relationship with God will first love self more than God or than any other person. And when a person loves self, they will not truly hate that which is evil, only its consequences.
Carlyle once said that we need to see the infinite beauty of holiness and the damnability of sin.
When a persons emotions are consecrated to the Lord, there is no lukewarmness about sin. That person hates sin with a passion and loves that which is pure and good with equal passion. At the same time, that person will still love the sinner.
Transformed emotions also transform our church life. They call us to be devoted to one another in family love. They call us to try to outdo each other in showing honor. William Barclay tells of Principal Cairns at Edinburgh who was not only a scholar but a great saint. As a member of a platform party at a gathering, there was a tremendous burst of applause as he stepped up onto the stage. Not thinking that it could be for him he stood back and joined the applause as he let the next man pass.
Finally the transformed Christian will never be lacking in enthusiasm. His spiritual fervor will be always at a boiling point. The risen Christ appearing to John says that the one whom he cannot tolerate is the one who is neither hot nor cold but lukewarm. Many Christians today are content with being wholeheartedly apathetic but in order to build genuine transformed relationships, there must be sense in which the Christian is desperately earnest and aflame for Christ.
Such a person will never be lacking in passion or enthusiasm for the lord because they will always see opportunities to grasp and chances to serve. In this zeal, people become not burdens but gifts from God.
It is often said of Christians that they are naive and foolishly hopeful. The person who has given themselves completely to the Lord will always be an optimist. They will always be able to say, no matter what the experience, My hope is in the Lord.
Experiences become opportunities as well. Therefore the Christian rejoices in hope and perseveres patiently in affliction and is always faithful in prayer.
The hopeful Christian perseveres patiently through any trial, continues faithfully in prayer and is always willing to share what they have with others. The Christian knows more than any other that the only thing we have is the joy that comes from giving something away.
I will never forget what joy Thornton Rider felt as he gave the Lord money to be used for the building of this sanctuary for he knew that he could never take any of his fortune with him.
The other day I spoke with a person who felt so joyful because she had been able to help another person to purchase a bus ticket for a necessary trip. Sharing with people in need should be seen as a great privilege and not as a burden.
Someone has said that Christianity is the religion go the Open Heart, the Open Door and the Open Hand. The reason that this is so is that when a person has given themselves completely to Christ, the also realize how completely Christ has given himself to them.
You can see then how that transforms a so-so relationship into a vital, dynamic opportunity for God to work.
Paul says keep your minds from pride. The most dangerous pollution of ones mind is not from outside. It is from within; it is from an improper estimation of ones own worth and importance.
He says be wise in your own estimation. In verse 3 he has reiterated that the Christian ought not to think too highly of himself. Here he says do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.
Stop and think about this for a minute. Would you be here at this communion table today if Christ chose not to associate with people of low position but instead chose to be with only those who were good and pure and religious enough.
If you want to live in harmony with other church people, with other family members, with coworkers or classmates, chisel away the mental plaque that makes you believe that you are better than others and that your needs are more important than theirs.
I believe that these are conscious decisions that you must choose. When you have an accurate view of who you are and when your mind understands that you are really no better than another, you will be able to choose to bless those who persecute you and rejoice or mourn with others; depending on their situation.
When it all comes down, it means that we have to live out what we say and believe. Our theology and our views about healthy relationships must find their expression in real life.
I have a friend who spent 10 years after graduating from college studying theology and philosophy. He has two doctorates and three masters degrees and he is now selling insurance.
In one sense, he has not translated head knowledge into real life practice so far as career is concerned. Yet apparently, he has translated his knowledge into healthy relationships. His family is in tact, he has three fine children who all share faith and seems to be in every other way well adjusted.
What are you doing about what you say you believe. There is an interesting thought here. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you live at peace.
The decision to live what we believe depends on us and the Lord and no one else. We are ultimately responsible for our own behavior and the way we treat others. It never happens when we wait for someone else to change. All we can do is seek to live the kind of life Christ asks of us and in fact that will begin to transform those around us.
Jesus put his words and understanding about God into practice.
In summary, Christ overcame evil with Good.
In that which Christ did, we were restored back to a right relationship with God, By living within us Christ will help us live in healthier relationships with others.