14 Ways to Annoy Public Bathroom Stallmates

  1. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

  2. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with function noise.

  3. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

  4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

  5. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

  6. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

  7. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

  8. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

  9. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

  10. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

  11. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

  12. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

  13. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

  14. Let a candy bar melt in your hand. Then reach under the stall and ask to borrow "a few sheets."