From jmkdparks@classic.msn.com Tue Nov 25 18:04:22 1997 Date: Mon, 24 Nov 97 19:00:16 UT From: Katrina Parks To: "Hale, Todd" , "Hermes, Doug and Ruth" , "Fanning, Joe" , "Sullivan, Jim and Suzanne" , "Parks, Jerry" , "Warcholik, Kim and Ken" , "Hall, John and Raydel" , "Chattoraj, Tarun" , "Smith, Bonnie & Mark" , "Spause, Paul and Sherry" , gregg@po.synapse.or.jp Subject: Collection of items > > > >LICENSE TO STEAL: Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a >cash >machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their >pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, >though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, >leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still >attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the >bumper. >IN THE BAG: A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line >at >the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs >official >thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was. The >officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - >backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf >bag. >MADE FOR TV: Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in >staged >gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman >who >wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in >jail. >DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?: A Texan convicted of robbery worked out >a >deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison >sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He >got >his prison term back, plus eight more years. >YOU MEAN ME?: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop >nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" >When >his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. >DEADHEADS: A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed >for >driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen >cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The >judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify. >THIS WOULD BE ME: The judge called the case of People vs. Steven >Lewon >Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, >"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom. >LEARN YOUR LESSON: When asked for her occupation, a woman charged >with >a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose >from >the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to >appear >before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that >table >and write 'I will not drive through a red light' 500 times." >AHH, THAT'S BETTER!: A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a >little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a >man >who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge >reduced >the sentence to 1,001 years. >OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!: A lawyer defending a man accused of >burglary >tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into >the >window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, >and >I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense >committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your >logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. >He >can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. >With >his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on >the >bench, and walked out > > > >