The 1997 Darwin Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen,

The 1997 Darwin Award competition has announced its runners up and winners. These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.

Note, there was great improvement in the areas of teamwork and cooperation among the candidates in 1997-- it's no longer an individual sport. Here are (drum roll) the 1997 runners-up and winners:

5th runner-up:

4th Runner-up:

3rd Runner-up:

2nd Runner-up:

1st Runner-up:

Grand Prize:

Last year's winner, you will remember, was the fellow who was killed when he attached a JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off) unit to his Chevy Impala and shot himself and his car into a desert cliff at 300 M.P.H. this year's winners:

Have a safe day (& year!)